for effing hell's sake.

i really effing give up.
i know i said i wasn't gonna moan in these blogs anymore.. but to be frank, my mood demands that i am vaguely depressing.. sorry.

it's just.. i've got myself into a really awkward, utterly shite situation.
basically
i'm still stuck up on my ex, that's bad enough as it is.
but in addition to that, i have also got a boyfriend.. who is lovely, yet i'm still so fxcked up in how the crap i'm feeling.
that doesn't even make sense, but right now i don't give a flying fart in space :\

i've only just started talking to Joshua about stuff with Sebastian again, mainly because i'm aware his opinion of Seb isn't exactly high, and doesn't really understand why i still like him, even i can't justify that, and he can't really see why i went back with him.
i just come across as a needy nitwit in this..
maybe i am, but bleh.
thing is with this blog, i'm happy most people don't read it because it's basically me lobbing everything my brain rattles which is utter bollocks, into a post, so it generally turns out utter shite.
so yeah


basically, my crap situation, is that i'm still hung up on someone who has absolutely nothing good about him, and am with someone who is amazing, yet i go crazy over the daft things, like him not changing his relationship status on effing facebook to "in a relationship"
holy crap i'm pathetic ):

but i can't help what i feel ):
i mean, i want to forget Seb and move on, but in a stupid way i don't.. i want to hold onto the memories of him, the long phone calls, the soft kisses.. it just sucks ):
it's just i'm putting myself through so much emotional torment and i don't want to prevent it !
how sad and stupid am i ?!?!

if anyone has ANY advice.
help !!

sorry for being whingey and pathetic..

x