00:09, i'm wide awake, well maybe the tiniest bit sleepy, i have to be up in 5 hours and 21 minutes to be ready for 7 to mosey on down to London and because i'm waiting for my ipod to fully charge, that and my phone. i decided to look through my many thousands of photos, a small selection of which are on my ipod and i have a heck of alot of photo editting aplications. i really would love to be a photographer, get to photograph so many things it would be almost an escape from reality while being in the midst of it. odd huh ?
but yeah.. not really feeling anywhere near as happy as i was earlier, maybe because i have nothing to do and therefore my mind takes over and natters to itself and my thoughts run off back into the past and it hurts. my god it really hurts. it's just looking at this photo of me and Sebastian.. it makes me feel so darn sad. he looks like an utter giant in it, which is fairly accurate seeing as i AM only 5ft 3" and he was 6ft 4".. thats one of the things i liked about him though, he was so tall it made hugs utterly amazing.
i'm sorry for going on about it, but i really have nothing better to do than write a blog and it helps kinda get it out. i just love that photo so much.. it reminds me of him and that i would like to be in his arms again. christ my feelings are so mushed up.
argh, to be honest i've almost lost any inspiration i had. after i've let myself be emotional for 5 minutes about him i tend to pull myself together. it's still pathetic though, and i'm perfectly aware it is. i doubt he even remembers me anymore, or if he does he tries not to. ARGH i am so utterly stupid. i should see a therapist and find out that in a past life i was a real living version of Bertha in Jane Eyre. speaking of which i haven't moved from page 43 or whatever i was on the last time i read it which was on the beach at Borth.
i really miss Borth actually and the fact that i could just happily mosey on down to the beach whenever i wanted, raining or not to sit on the pebbles or breakers and watch the waves fall in on themselves.. it was hypnotic. it was therapy in itself without the extortionate price ! to be honest, i love the sea that much, i'm considering going to Aberystwyth uni despite what courses they offer.. okay, being realistic i'd rather have a decent course, but i am DETERMINED to live on the coast when i'm older. i have lived in land for far too long really. it's a toss up between London and the coast, but London is looking less attractive to me lately.
ha, sometimes i'm so happy i have a handy set of media button things along the edge of my laptop, like by the touchpad thing ma jig. means i don't have to dither round with the function key and F11 or whatever. oh dear, the extent of excitement in my life is finding ease of use of my laptop.. dear god. having said that, as much as a non computer nerd that i am, i find myself pretty happy on the tardy things. mainly thanks to my brother having a romantic attatchment to computers, it means we not only own about 10 machines, it means that one can act entirely as a media server, so about 500GB + of music, films, downloads, everything. it's great :D
well, it's great for when it's actually working, but i can live with it, just means i clog my own machine up with films and stuff that i copy over because i don't trust the connection to stay up for a sufficient amount of time. does come in handy when someone i know wants music though. i mean i have a fair bit which is mainly Hinder, Hoobastank, You me at Six, Jimmy Eat World and now Royworld. but for those that like Muse and other junk there's my brothers media server.
and oh lordy loo. i have managed to talk about a media server. for about 3 paragraphs. i seriously think i'm ill. i am never going to understand the obsession with computers and similar atire. technology in general tends to find a way to hate me. even my beloved ipod. i had to restore it so many damn times it's rediculous. and the amount of earphones i've managed to go through ! it's plain daft.
i really am at a loss if i'm talking about technology and my appalling relationship with it. i also have a feeling that i keep spelling appalling wrong.. hmm. apalling appalling appaling apaling. appalling still looks right to me, but i could be wrong. bleh. i cba to find a dictionary or open word just to type it and find the flipping american spelling of it which is probably more inaccurate than my own, seeing as they forget the "i" in alumInium. it's not aluminum you tards. and i REALLY need to learn not to sit like this anymore, i'm doing further damage to the tendon in my left ankle sustained from football many moons ago when i used to play. in fact i did consider starting again, but i don't really enjoy it that much anymore and i don't know if i still have any skills worth mentioning. gah. yoga it is.. OHMMMM.
nightnight
x
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