oh damn..

just realised it was a really bad idea to keep this song on.. Akon - Beautiful. i mean i really like the song, okay so it's not by the greatest artist i know of and it's stupidly popular, but bleh. but basically it reminds me of having Sebastian on my bed cuddling me.. makes me feel a tad.. lonely. and reminisant )':

i really need to pull myself together over the whole Sebastian malarky tbh. i know 'tis tiresome and repeatative and utterly pathetic but i can't help myself.. i need to accept that i'm over emotional, over sensitive, and generally an idiot for trying to claw back the past. fool Rozz. bloody fool. now get over yourself. and him, and whatever else you feel like really.

GAH !

to be honest i was actually kinda dreading today.. it was planned that i was going to see Nic.. god only knows why really, maybe i'm desperate. although after my half mental, half blog post pep chat yesterday, i don't think i am. especially as i'd decided that i didn't actually want to see him, so was praying that he'd decide not to come or by some miracle, he'd got amnesia and forgotten i actually existed. i mean i guess he's an alright type of bloke in general, but i don't think i particuarly enjoy his company.
and yes, i know i'm an idiot. but, thank the lord, i think he was feeling merciful this morning actually, i decided to tell him not to bother coming over because i wasn't really in the mood for company, and it was raining. alot.

in fact it meant i could bumble off to asda to get the coco rocks for tomorrow when i allow daisy to suffer mild cardiac arrest as she witnesses my tidy and clean room. trust me, she WILL have a heart attack when she sees it. so yes. she gets that bundle of joy and i get to rape her with my education of Psychoville. i lovee the programme, although granted, it's completely twisted and obscure, it is actually fairly good i reckon (:
back to my point, i ambled to asda which is about a 45 minute walk from my house, and i mission walk there. it was absolutely sheeting down all the way there, AND all the way back. i was rather cheerful on the way and most the way back. but then i got annoyed at being utterly wet through and my shoes were rubbing and the box of coco rocks was all damp and begining to fall apart. almost. i somehow saved it. and i got all mopey because i was aware i looked like a drowned tramp and then my mind wandered to.. yeah, been to the depressing bit at the top. don't really wanna go back there.

then i decided to have a bottle of pear cider seeing as i haven't consumed any for ages, and then mom had a go at me for it. i'm 16 for god's sake ! and i've never abused alcohol.. my mother has such little faith in me. gah. then google frickin' accounts had a strop at me >.<

arghhhhhh. i think that's enough ranting for now, i hardly want to spread negativity. not good really. and anyway, metro station's playing. 'tis sex to my ears. and i mean good sex, like very very good sex. i need to stop talking about sex. ARGH !! shut up Rozz ):


tooodlessss

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